Writing online scares me.
Great. Let's do it now.
I’m scared to publish this online.
Yes me, a professional storyteller. I’m apprehensive even typing this out.
A decade working in television and still I have to force myself to put things I’ve made out into the world. My skin is too thin. I care too much about what people think.
Some years ago, I started panicking before the broadcast of a BBC Documentary I’d made. Convinced audiences would savage the film, I was braced for my career to end.
For the first time in my life, I went to therapy.
True to form, the £65/hour therapist was unbothered by my impending fate. The bigger question, he asked, was given the stress, why make films at all?
Tongue-tied, I couldn’t answer. I just said I’d be more miserable not doing so.
He sat in silence … and waited for me to work it out.
This is the first time I’ve written about myself online. I’m nervous. But I feel compelled to share. I’ve learnt to follow such impulses - they lead to interesting things.
In life, we will never not be shackled by fear. What’s harder is remembering that first inchoate urge. That half-forgotten song was your soul stirring to sing.
The film I thought would end my career was released without drama. I actually received a lot of nice emails from people whose lives it touched. Today, I laugh at how nervous I was.
These days, self-doubt still regulalry raises its voice, but I’ve learnt to quieten it. I just don’t pay it the attention it craves.
And I remind myself, over and over again: “if it inspires you, it has power in it”.
Just do it. Begin it now. Good luck.
